Think your child is just angry? Raging because they didn't get their way? Unreasonably upset because they have to do something they don't want to do? Or maybe, it's just their hormones??
For too long, even knowing that my daughter had anxiety, there were moments, moments that were so intense, seemingly brought on by nothing.
She'd rage, throw things, break things, scream unnaturally loud and for long periods of time, and go right into fight mode.
And the natural, and in hindsight, also the most ridiculous, thing I did...was fight back.
Then the day came, January 2022, when the world around us collapsed, we finally got it. Yes, she has anxiety. No, it does not always look like a scared child hiding, or being clingy.
Sometimes, anxiety turned into fight. In her particular case, it's often been more fight than flight, or freeze. And fight meant, to the death. It meant get to safety. Only to be made worse by the few people she needed most, to fight her back. Instead of dropping to her level, getting quiet and waiting for the storm to calm, and then, and only then...healing could take place.
The next time your Little One is raging, and it seems to be ridiculous, or coming from nowhere, or a place that seems to be 'really not that big of a deal' - instead of letting them know... they're wrong (however that looks... their behavior, their feelings, their actions), no matter what they are...
Try calming yourself. Becoming quiet, relaxing, sitting down near them so they can feel your warm, welcoming presence, and waiting for the storm to pass, until you can hold them, love them, and then when they are ready...process with them.
This is not coddling them, this is not letting them off the hook for bad behavior. This is allowing them to process their feelings, come to a place of understanding, ownership, and then accountability.
It takes less time than fighting back, and it keeps everyone's energy, and anxiety, much lower.
Giving your Little One, a safe space to be okay, when they are not ok.
Would love to hear your thoughts.